Focus on what you can control
Practical steps for mastering your degrees of influence
Life often feels like a whirlwind of events beyond our grasp. We're bombarded by news, influenced by others' actions, and sometimes overwhelmed by circumstances we didn't choose. But amid this chaos, there's a calm center - your circle of control.
Imagine two concentric circles. The outer ring represents everything beyond your influence - other people's choices, global events, or even the weather. The inner circle? That's your domain. It's smaller, but it's mighty. This is where your power lies.
While circumstances arise beyond your influence, how you respond is entirely within your circle of control.
Karademas (2006) found compelling evidence that individuals who possess a strong sense of control over their lives, as indicated by a larger Circle of Control, are more likely to experience positive emotions and subjective well-being.
Understanding the inner circle
The power you wield over your inner world is immense. Let's dive deeper into the elements within your control:
Your thoughts and actions
This is the cornerstone of your personal power. Every moment, you have the ability to choose your mindset and behavior. It's not about forced positivity or ignoring reality. Instead, it's about cultivating awareness of your thought patterns and making deliberate choices about how you respond to situations.
Practical tip: Start a thought journal. For one week, jot down your recurring thoughts, especially in challenging situations. Look for patterns. Are these thoughts serving you? If not, how can you reframe them?
Energy allocation
Where you direct your focus is a superpower often overlooked. It's not just about time management, but energy management. What deserves your precious mental and emotional resources? This concept goes beyond just avoiding energy vampires (though that's important too). It's about strategically investing your energy in areas that align with your values and goals.
Exercise: Conduct an energy audit. For a few days, track your activities and rate them on an energy scale. Which tasks energize you? Which deplete you? Use this information to restructure your days for optimal energy flow.
Self-talk
The voice in your head can be your greatest ally or your worst enemy. Cultivating a supportive inner dialogue isn't about blind optimism, but about fair and constructive self-assessment. It's recognizing when you're being overly critical and learning to speak to yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a friend.
Challenge: Catch yourself in negative self-talk. Pause and ask, "Would I say this to a loved one?" If not, rephrase it more constructively.
Free time
How you spend your discretionary hours shapes your life's trajectory. It's the compound interest of personal growth. This doesn't mean every moment needs to be productive - rest and leisure are crucial. But it does mean being intentional about your choices.
Experiment: For one month, dedicate 30 minutes of your free time each day to a skill you've always wanted to develop. Notice how this small daily investment compounds over time.
Goal setting
The targets you set for yourself are entirely within your control. Make them challenging yet attainable, aligned with your values and long-term vision. Effective goal setting isn't just about the outcome, but about who you become in the process of pursuing those goals.
Strategy: Use the SMART framework (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) to set goals. But add a twist - for each goal, define not just what you want to achieve, but who you need to become to achieve it.
Response to challenges
Life will throw curveballs. Your response - whether you grow or falter - is your choice. This doesn't mean you won't feel negative emotions. It means you have the power to choose your next step, even in difficult circumstances.
Mindset shift: View challenges as opportunities for growth. Ask yourself, "What can I learn from this? How can this make me stronger?"
Personal boundaries
Establishing and maintaining healthy limits in relationships and commitments is crucial for well-being and productivity. This includes learning to say no, communicating your needs clearly, and respecting your own limits.
Action step: Identify one area in your life where you need stronger boundaries. Draft a plan to communicate and enforce these boundaries respectfully but firmly.
Navigating the outer circle
Now, let's address the outer circle - what's beyond your control:
Others' actions and opinions
You can influence, but never control, what others do or think. This realization can be liberating. It frees you from the exhausting task of trying to please everyone or change minds that aren't open to change.
Coping strategy: Practice detachment. When faced with others' actions or opinions that you disagree with, remind yourself, "This is their journey, not mine."
Outcomes
You control your effort, not the result. Embrace this to reduce anxiety and increase focus. This doesn't mean you shouldn't care about outcomes, but rather that your energy is best spent on the process, not the end result.
Mindset exercise: Before starting a task, set an intention for your effort and mindset, regardless of the outcome. For example, "I will give my best effort and remain calm, no matter what happens."
The past
It's written. Your power lies in how you interpret and learn from it. The past can be a great teacher, but dwelling on it excessively robs you of present moment power.
Reflection practice: Set aside time to reflect on past experiences, but with a purpose. Ask, "What lesson can I extract from this that will serve me moving forward?"
The future
Uncertain by nature. Plan, but don't be paralyzed by what-ifs. Preparing for the future is wise, but anxiety about potential outcomes is often wasted energy.
Planning approach: Use scenario planning. Envision best-case, worst-case, and most likely scenarios. Create flexible plans that can adapt to different outcomes.
The nuanced nature of control
Here's where it gets interesting: The line between these circles isn't always clear-cut. Sometimes, we have partial influence over things we can't fully control. The key is to recognize where to focus your energy for maximum impact.
This intersection is where we may or may not have the power to expand our influence and create change. It is a space where we can exert effort and energy, but the outcomes are not guaranteed. It is a reminder that while we can control our actions and efforts, we cannot always control the results.
For example, while you can't control the job market, you can influence your employability by developing in-demand skills. You can't control the weather, but you can influence how prepared you are for various conditions.
This nuanced understanding allows for a more sophisticated approach to personal empowerment. It's not about rigidly categorizing every aspect of life into "controllable" or "uncontrollable," but about recognizing degrees of influence and choosing where to invest your energy wisely.
Practical steps for mastering your circle of control
Daily circle check
Regularly assess where you're spending your mental energy. Are you fixating on the outer circle? This simple practice can be eye-opening. You might be surprised how much mental real estate you're giving to things beyond your control.
Implementation tip: Set a daily reminder. Take 5 minutes to jot down your main concerns or focus areas for the day. Categorize them into "within my control" and "outside my control." Consciously shift your focus to the former.
Influence vs. control analysis
For each challenge or goal, ask: "Can I directly change this?" If not, refocus on your response. This doesn't mean ignoring important issues, but rather changing your approach to them.
Decision matrix: Create a 2x2 matrix. On one axis, plot "High Control" to "Low Control." On the other, plot "High Impact" to "Low Impact." Place your current projects or concerns in this matrix. Focus most of your energy on high control, high impact items.
Expand your circle
Gradually increase what you can control through skill-building and personal growth. The beauty of the circle of control is that it's not static. Through learning and development, you can expand your influence.
Growth plan: Identify areas where increased knowledge or skills would give you more control. Create a learning plan. This could involve courses, books, mentorship, or deliberate practice.
Mindfulness practice
Develop awareness of your thoughts and reactions. This expands your ability to choose your responses. Mindfulness isn't just about relaxation; it's a powerful tool for expanding your circle of control.
Starter routine: Begin with just 5 minutes of daily mindfulness. Focus on your breath. When thoughts arise, acknowledge them without judgment and return to your breath. This simple practice builds the mental muscle of choice.
Reframe setbacks
When facing obstacles, ask, "What aspect of this can I control or learn from?" This turns every setback into an opportunity for growth and empowerment.
Reflection tool: Keep a "setback journal." For each challenge, write down:
What happened
My initial reaction
Aspects I couldn't control
Aspects I could control
What I learned
How I'll apply this learning
Energy management audit
Regularly assess how you're spending your energy. Are you investing in areas within your control? Or are you depleting yourself worrying about things you can't change?
Audit process: For one week, track your activities hourly. Rate each activity on two scales: 1) How much control you have over it, and 2) How energizing or depleting it is. Look for patterns and adjust accordingly.
Cultivate adaptability
The more adaptable you are, the larger your circle of control becomes. Adaptability allows you to maintain a sense of agency even in changing circumstances.
Adaptability challenge: Regularly step out of your comfort zone in small ways. Try new foods, take different routes to work, or engage in unfamiliar social situations. This builds your overall adaptability muscle.
Practice radical acceptance
For things truly beyond your control, practice accepting them fully. This doesn't mean you like them, but that you stop fighting against the reality of their existence.
Acceptance exercise: Identify something you've been resisting. Write down all the ways this resistance has affected you. Then, write a statement of acceptance. "I accept that [situation] is the current reality. I choose to focus my energy on my response."
The impact of mastering your circle of control
Remember, focusing on your circle of control isn't about limiting yourself. It's about channeling your energy where it matters most. It's the difference between feeling like a leaf in the wind and being the captain of your ship.
By mastering your inner circle, you'll find yourself better equipped to navigate the complexities of the outer one. This isn't just productivity advice - it's a philosophy for a more empowered, purposeful life.
As you practice this approach, you may notice:
Reduced anxiety and stress: When you stop trying to control the uncontrollable, a huge burden lifts.
Increased sense of personal power: By focusing on what you can change, you'll feel more capable and confident.
Improved relationships: Understanding the limits of your control can lead to more empathy and less conflict.
Greater resilience: You'll bounce back faster from setbacks, knowing you always have control over your response.
More effective goal achievement: By focusing your energy wisely, you're more likely to make progress on what truly matters.
Real-world examples for tech professionals
As a software engineer or tech professional, you might encounter situations that feel beyond your control. Let's explore some common scenarios and how to apply the circle of control concept:
Missing out on a promotion
Scenario: You've been working hard, but a colleague gets the promotion you were eyeing.
Outside your control:
The final decision made by management
Your colleague's performance or relationships
Within your control:
Your response to the news
Seeking feedback for improvement
Developing skills for future opportunities
Action plan:
Schedule a meeting with your manager to understand areas for growth
Create a personal development plan targeting key skills
Reframe success: maybe a dimension of promo is possible (e.g. more comp)
Unempowered to make decisions
Scenario: You feel your technical input is often overlooked in favor of non-technical stakeholders' opinions.
Outside your control:
Organizational structure
Others' perceptions of tech's role
Within your control:
How you communicate technical concepts
Building relationships with stakeholders
Your expertise and credibility
Action plan:
Develop your ability to explain technical concepts in business terms
Proactively build relationships with key stakeholders
Document and share the impact of technical decisions on business outcomes
Propose a pilot project where you have more decision-making authority
Coping with a difficult team member
Scenario: A colleague consistently delivers low-quality code and misses deadlines, impacting the team's performance.
Outside your control:
The colleague's behavior or work ethic
Management's decisions about the team member
Within your control:
Your communication with the team member
How you manage dependencies on their work
Your own performance and teamwork
Action plan:
Have an honest, constructive conversation with the colleague
Implement or suggest peer code reviews to catch issues early
Document the impact of missed deadlines or quality issues objectively
Focus on improving team processes that can help all members perform better
Adapting to rapid technological changes
Scenario: You feel overwhelmed by the pace of new technologies and frameworks in your field.
Outside your control:
The rate of technological advancement
Which technologies become industry standards
Within your control:
Your learning strategy
Time allocation for skill development
Choosing which technologies to focus on
Action plan:
Develop a systematic approach to evaluating new technologies
Allocate regular time for learning and experimentation
Focus on fundamental principles that transcend specific technologies
Build a network of peers for knowledge sharing and support
Remember, in each of these scenarios, the key is to identify where you can exert influence and take purposeful action.
Conclusion
Mastering your circle of control is honestly a lifelong journey. It's not about achieving perfect control over your life - that's neither possible nor desirable. Instead, it's about developing a nuanced understanding of where your power lies and using it wisely.
Start small. Choose one area of your life and apply these principles. Notice the shift in your sense of empowerment. Then, gradually expand this approach to other areas. Over time, you'll find yourself navigating life's challenges with greater ease, purpose, and impact.
Remember, in every moment, you have more power than you realize. It's not about controlling everything - it's about masterfully steering your ship, regardless of the seas you encounter.
